ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
