Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
