So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
