Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
