Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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