I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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