I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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