he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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