The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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