yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
