John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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