great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
