My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize