I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
