lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
