you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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