where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
