Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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