Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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