when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ladies don't puke and tell
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
