so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
God, I missed his penis.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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