I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
