I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Everclear isn't food dammit
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize