a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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