I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
