last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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