and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
