hotel room ftw
I wish I could teleport
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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