So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
