you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
