a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
