that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
