great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
