We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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