you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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