don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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