I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
