I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
