It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
