I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
