Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
