Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
