I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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