Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can I color on your dick again?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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