So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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