i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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