FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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