We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
