dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
