I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
