Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
