You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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