Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
