May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize