not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
