so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
