There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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