just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
