I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
