we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
