I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
