Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
