Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I want you more than these girls want KFC
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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