So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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