I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
