just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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