I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
