Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
