You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
