Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
tell me about the eggs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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