My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
