Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
