all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
