wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
