Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize