she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
