oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
