i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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