If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
