so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize