there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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