She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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