I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
