i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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