I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
