there's paper in my vomit.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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