i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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