All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
