Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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