I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
