y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
