Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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