Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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