Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
