Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
