he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
