Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
