are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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