Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
