I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
