I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
